Looking For Love While Disabled

Apparently Valentine’s Day is coming up. If I recall, it is on the fourteenth or something? I can’t say I really care either.

I have been in relationships before and yes, during Valentine’s Day. Acknowledging that special someone I think is a nice idea but the commercialism of the day is not something I desire.

That Romantic dinner, or that ‘we’ time is enough but then again what do I know?

Wait a second, Darrin! This is supposed to give a POSITIVE outlook on looking for love and being disabled! Let’s be honest, I am not usually the most openly affectionate guy at first. Aside from my disability, like you, I have a few hang ups about myself. I am the first to admit my attitude in this department kind of sucks. These days I just try to avoid it. I know I know, how do you ladies not want all this?!

Taken by friend at Sun Peak Resort

Let me start by giving a disclosure first. This is based on my opinion and my condition which is SCA (The rare degenerative disease without a cure or treatment and everyone seems to refer to it as Parkinson or MS). I totally understand that not everyone has my point of view on this topic. Actually, I hope most of you disagree with me and maybe you will share your opinion with me one day and adjust my attitude.

Back in the day when I lived and worked at Sun Peaks, my love life was a little livelier. I mean what wasn’t sexy about an employed computer geek that snowboarded and lived in a ski resort? Not to mention that then I still had most of my hair, was funny, and had a lot more confidence in myself.

Dating with my disability, to me, seems like a bad idea. I often wonder who is the dumber person involved? Me for allowing someone to get close enough to me or them for thinking we can build any kind of life together? I have a DEGENARATIVE DISEASE. Why would I want to drag someone into this life?

Relationships are already hard, throw a degenerative neurological disorder into it and it surely is not going to make things easier? I am not sure if people always get that part, it rarely gets better, usually worse. One day I won’t be able to walk and my speech might not be totally gone but it will be very impaired. I have to take the drama of my life plus the drama of someone else’s life plus my disability. I can handle most people’s drama, but I think trying to date me would definitely be a test of mental strength.

I work in Information Technology. It is my job to deal with everyone else’s troubles which makes me horrible at dealing with my own troubles.

But I do like the whole companionship part. Being able to talk without feeling like I am being judged. Having a companion who offers an opinion or a different point of view and gives you the hard truth and that tough love when you probably don’t want to hear it.  A friend who answers those ridiculous late night texts (aka drunk texts, but I don’t drink anymore).

The physical part of relationships is still pretty cool. It gets a little clumsy. Ok it gets a lot clumsy! You want to make out? There is a good chance I am missing your lips and kissing your nose or something else (the wall, the back of the couch, your dog). I will try not to bump heads with you or accidently slug you in the face. You can’t really hold hands unless you are standing still or sitting down. Don’t even think about trying to slide your cold hands under my shirt because my startle reflex is atrocious and I will likely jump through the celling! I don’t want to be the guy the EMT’s tell those stories about.

You might be proud of me? Over these last few months I have ventured out with a lady. I even asked her to a Christmas Dinner. We have gone for a few other dinners and to movies and taken pointless drives. She talks to me about her life and I listen (which I am way better at now) and every so often I give my opinion. Which I never have! Then she listens to my rants and puts up with my bad habits not to mention my disease in general.

Now this has not evolved into full on relationship, I am still a little apprehensive and why ruin a good thing but my attitude might be slowly changing….?

Photo taken by friend at Sun Peaks Resort

This article was written by Darrin Rein. You can find his blog at http://www.rhinotec.ca/takecharge/blog

Leave a Reply