Pushing Past the Programming….or, The Rantings of A Crazy Lady, I Will Let You Decide



We enter this world a clean slate.  A new computer, barely touched, not even turned on yet.

We are born into a vibration.  A vibration of our time, our society, the people around us who are carrying the vibrational context of our ancestors and our culture.

Our subconscious minds immediately begin to soak this all up at lightening speed. The vibration becomes a part of us. We carry our history and all of the truths of our family around us.

We are programmed to fit into the role we are given.  We are taught that things are right or wrong, good or bad, and shamed and punished when we step outside of the boundaries. What is good or bad? Relative to what? And right or wrong? Who decides this? In our culture, a group of men, long dead.

We are taught that things are linear.  There is a beginning and an end to everything, every task, every life, every process.

Is this true? Because I personally view this reality as circular, eternal, a constant flow of energy that doesn’t die but transforms itself over and over.  Tasks do not end.  They are built upon.  Every small step is a part of an endless staircase.

I was programmed to believe that doing what I’m told makes me good.  And that because I can read out of a book and answer questions I am smart. And the kid beside me who can’t read well but can build things is stupid.

Stay with the herd, draw within the lines, follow the rules, do what you are told, and for lord’s sake don’t feel great about yourself, that is conceited!

Being different is risky.  And there is always a lack.  A lack of love, a lack of money, a lack of opportunities, lack, lack, lack. “Eat your bread crusts, people are starving in Africa!” (because there is a lack).

I prefer this: “Eat your bread crusts, although there is an abundance of food in the world, there is an uneven distribution of resources because people are greedy!”

No one ever informed young me that we live in an endlessly abundant universe.

No one said, “here, take all of these crayons from God and color all over your paper and off of your paper onto the walls and the house and the sidewalks because you are allowed, in fact it is your divine purpose to share your unique gifts with the world.”

No one encouraged me to make mistakes, or let me know the bigger the failure the bigger will be the jewel in the palm of my hand.

No one encouraged me to share my whole truth, just the parts deemed acceptable.  Not the ‘dirty’ stuff.  That shameful muck was to be buried deep inside and grow and fester, eventually bubbling out in the form of an eating disorder, a mental breakdown, and alcoholism.

How can we own our truth, know ourselves, forgive, heal, grow, and free ourselves if we are programmed to suppress parts of us and our experiences?  We sit in quiet shame.  At the bottom of a bottle or a table of fast food or a joint or a porno or or or or…..

That was quite the crescendo.

I was taught to look after the needs of those around me before considering my own.

Well, that’s just stupid.  Think about the pebble on the water.  The ripple effect starts in the middle of the circle people, come on!

As I age I identify the walls around me one by one and consider how to take each one down.  We were all programmed while we were young and developing.  We do things and think things and believe things without even knowing why.  Without having been given the option of choosing.

It is exciting to recognize the walls around us.  It can be terrifying to break them down and push past the boundaries that we have known for so long, that are such a part of us.  But we can.  The net will catch us.  And we are totally worth it.

Push past the programming!




Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s